Twelth Night... or... Much Confusion - FY style!
by Skipsida
Summary: Shakespeare's classic story... as it happened to the FY cast! Urm, need I say more? Pure madness and confusion! You all thought I'd forgotten about this story, right? Nope! There's MORE!
1. Prologue

**Twelfth Night or Much Confusion!**   
**As it happened to the Fushigi Yuugi cast!**

Yes, it is very strange! The cast list: 

Viola: Nuriko   
Sebastian: Kourin   
Orsino: Hotohori   
Olivia: Miaka   
Sir Toby: Chiriko   
Sir Andrew: Tamahome   
Maria: Soi   
Feste: Chichiri   
Captain: Tasuki   
Malvolio: Tomo   
Curio: Amboshi   
Valentine: Suboshi   
Fabian: Kouji   
Antonio: Nakago   
Officer 1: Ashitare   
Officer 2: Miboshi   
Priest: Mitsukake   
Anyone else: Nyan nyans 

Hehehe, this is just strange, I know! Very, very strange! We're studying 12th Night in English and this idea came to me. It's kinda funny even if you haven't read it but a million times better if you have! Sorry Yuu Watase and Billy Wigglestick...   
**Chiriko: **That's William Shakespeare!   
**Skipsida:** ... whatever, but I'm just borrowing your characters and story here! *evil grin* Poor Shakespeare is probably rolling in his grave. *hides* 


	2. Act 1 Scene 1

**Act 1 Scene 1**

_Scene: A room in Hotohori's palace. Hotohori is lounging ona couch while Amboshi is playing his flute in the background)_

Hotohori: If food be the music of love, chew on, give me excess of it so I can enjoy the sweet bliss my Miaka enjoys so very often with food present. That strain again! It's just so moving! It makes me think of my own beauty! Enough, no more! You can have too much of a good thing! Ah, Miaka is the ol one who matches my sweet beauty, I must marry her! But how do I get her attention? 

Amboshi: Will you go cook, heika-sama? 

Hotohori: That's it! I'll bake her a cake! I'm so smart to have thought of that! 

Amboshi: Urm, yeah. -_-;; 

_(Enter Suboshi)_

Hotohori: What's the news? 

Suboshi: She's annoyed because her best friend has deserted us for Seiryuu and is in her palace sulking, not talking to anyone. She's even off her food! 

Hotohori: Oh, such sweet beauty shouldn't be hidden! This is really serious if she's not eating! 

Subhoshi: Well, not eating much anyway! 

Hotohori: I have hope! 


	3. Act 1 Scene 2

**Act 1 Scene 2**

_Edge of the mountains at Konan's border. Enter Nuriko, Tasuki and Bandits._

Nuriko: What's country is over there? 

Tasuki: That's Konan. 

Nuriko: Oh great! My sister is... lost... and I bet she's been butchered by Seiryuu seishi! Or maybe she hasn't. What do you think, Tasuki? 

Tasuki: Well, before we kidnapped ya, I saw ya sister running in that direction after the bitch kneed Kouji. She probably is there now. 

Nuriko: (aside) Go Kourin! (to Tasuki) I sure hope so. (glares at Tasuki) Do you know your way around her? 

Tasuki: Yeah, I've raided here often enough. 

Nuriko: Great, take me to their leader! 

Tasuki: Well, there's Hotohori, the emperor here. 

Nuriko: I've heard of him, he's supposed to be sexy. ^_^ Is he single? 

Tasuki: (rolls eyes) Here we go again... Yeah, he's single but he's obsessed with the Suzaku no Miko, Miaka-sama. She's sulking at the moment so he's kinda pissed off about it. 

Nuriko: Oh, that's sad! A tragic love story! Maybe I can help them get together! Okay, here's the plan! I'll disguise myself as a dirl and act as a messenger for them! 

Tasuki: A girl? Why the hell would you want to dress as a f***** girl?! You could still do that as a guy! 

Nuriko: But then I can forever remember my dead sister! 

Tasuki: Uh huh. Yeah. Right. Well, because I love ya, man, I'll ignore that statement. Don't worry, I won't squeal on ya. 

Nuriko: You'd better not! 


	4. Act 1 Scene 3

**Act 1 Scene 3**

_Olivia's House. Enter Chiriko and Soi._

Chiriko: Damn that Miaka! She locked the library doors! 

Soi: She thinks too much reading strains your brain. 

Chiriko: Waaaaah! I'm stuck reading manga out of desperation! And I've read all of the ones here 5 times! It's... not... fair!!! Oh well, at least Tamahome is coming for a visit. If he cheers her up, maybe we'll get the keys back. 

Soi: We don't have a hope then. 

Chiriko: Why not? 

Soi: He's a money obsessed idiot and besides that, he's too tall for her! 

Chiriko: But he's a great martial artist with amazing hair! 

Soi: That being from you! He's a whining idiot! 

_(Enter Tamahome)_

Tamahome: Hi Chiriko, hello Soi! 

Chiriko: (barely looking up from his manga) Hi. 

Tamahome: (aside) When is he ever going to get a life? I'd better get a conversation started. (to Chiriko) What job does this lady have here? 

Chiriko: (without looking up) Palace cleaner and slut. 

Tamahome: (eagerly) Ooh, I'd like to get to know her better! 

Chiriko: (finally looks up in disgust) Yes, and I can guess how well! 

Soi: No way! Even I have standards! 

Tamahome: Damn! 

Chiriko: (in a bad mood at being interrupted reading) And you're stupid too! 

Tamahome: Compared to you or normal people? 

Soi: Compared to Chiriko without his character! 

Tamahome: Ooh! That's low! 

Chiriko: (finishes his manga) Do you have anything to read? 

Tamahome: I have Universe of the Four Gods. 

Chiriko: I've read that so often! What else? 

Tamahome: I have Sailor Moon manga. 

Chiriko: (grumbles) At least it is something. (snatches it and starts reading it straight away) 

Soi: Well, you shut him up so you can't be so bad. 

Tamahome: Hey, Chiriko, I've got more where that came from! 

Chiriko: Yay! (dances around happily) 


	5. Act 1 Scene 4

**Act 1 Scene 4**

_Hotohori's Palace. Enter Suboshi and Nuriko (Nuriko in drag)._

Suboshi: I don't know how you've done it but heika-sama seems to like you. Hell, you've been here three days and he's already blabbing his secrets to you! 

Nuriko: I'm just special. :-P 

_(Enter Hotohori)_

Hotohori: Oi! Nuriko! Get over here! 

Nuriko: Yes, heika-sama. 

Hotohori: You know me well so here's a job for you. Go and suck up to Miaka for me, okay? 

Nuriko: _(aside)_ And about time too. (_to Hotohori) _Righto, boss. 

Hotohori: And bring her this cake too. 

_(Exit Hotohori and Suboshi)_

Nuriko: Goddamn, this is not good. He's giving Miaka food?! I can't believe this! Why doesn't he give me cake?! And he's soooo sexy too. I think I feel a crush coming on... 

_(Exits in tears)_


	6. Act 1 Scene 5

**Act 1 Scene 5**

_Miaka's house. Enter Soi and Chichiri_

Soi: Okay, where the hell have you been?! 

Chichiri: I'm a monk, no da! I've been doing... monk things! Wandering the world, no da! 

Soi: Miaka is going to kill you! 

Chichiri: No she won't, I'm one of her seishi, no da! 

Soi: Well, you'd better have a good excuse anyway! 

Chichiri: I will, no da! Besides, I have food, she'll forgive me! 

_(enter Miaka and Tomo. Soi escapes)_

Chichiri: Oh... hi Miaka! 

Miaka: Take him away! 

Chichiri: Miaka! I can explain, no da! And I have this nice roast turkey here too! 

Miaka: Turkey? _(scoffs it)_ Okay, this'd better be good! 

Chichiri: Well, if I can cheer you up, will you keep me here, no da? 

Miaka: You're lucky you bribed me. Okay. 

Chichiri: Why are you sulking, no da? 

Miaka: Because Yui deserted me. 

Chichiri: So what? She's a scheming manipulative cow and besides, you're out on top, her seishi are all working for you, no da! 

Miaka: Oh yeah! Cool! In your face,Yui! 

Tomo: _(annoyed) _Yeah, well... 

Miaka: He's just cool! _(hugs Chichiri)_

Tomo: Don't touch him! You might catch rabies! 

Chichiri: It's more likely to be the other way around, no da. 

Miaka: _(laughs)_

Tomo: _(rolls eyes)_ Sadly, he is right. 

Miaka: Lighten up, Tomo! 

_(reenter Soi)_

Soi: There's someone at the door who wants to speak to you. 

Miaka: Tell 'em to go away, I'm playing with Chichiri. 

Soi: _(sniggers)_

Miaka: Hey! I didn't intend for it to sound that way! 

_(Soi exits then reenters a few seconds later)_

Soi: Well, she still won't go. 

Miaka: You try, Tomo. At least the person can't get past Chiriko at the door. 

_(Exit Tomo, enter Chiriko)_

Miaka: Where did you get that?! I locked the library! 

Chiriko: _(happily)_ That nice girl at the door lent it to me. It's called _Great Expectations_! 

Miaka: What?! She figured out how to get past Chiriko?! Chichiri, please make sure he doesn't keep reading too long, it's a long book and if he gets into it, he'll forget to eat and he needs to eat to grow big and strong! Or even medium sized and weak would be an improvement! 

Chichiri: I'll try my best, no da. 

_(exit Chiriko and Chichiri, reenter Tomo)_

Tomo: She won't go! I told her you were sulking, she wouldn't go. I tolder her you had a deadly disease and she wouldn't go! I even put an illusion on her but it didn't work! And she insulted my makeup! (bursts into tears) 

Soi: _(sarchastically)_ Oh, poor diddums! _(pokes tongue out at him)_

Miaka: What do I do?! She must be terrible! What does she look like? 

Tomo: She's fair of face, with long violet silken hair, carries herself like a lady and carries a chocolate cake of gargantuan proportions. 

Miaka: Did you say chocolate cake?! 

Tomo: Uh oh, should I have mentioned that? 

Miaka: Let her in! 

_(enter Nuriko dressed as a woman)_

Nuriko: Are you Suzaku no Miko? 

Miaka: _(halfway through the cake, looks up, mouth full)_ Mmph? 

Nuriko: You'd better be the miko now you've eaten that! _(aside)_ The greedy pig just polished off the whole thing! 

Miaka: Yep, I'm Suzaku no Miko, who're you? 

Nuriko: I am Nuriko, messenger of Hotohori-sama. 

Miaka: Uh huh, so? 

Nuriko: Hotohori-sama wants you to marry him. 

Miaka: Did he make that cake? 

Nuriko: _(surprised)_ No, I did. 

Miaka: Oh. _(deflated)_ Well, I don't want to marry him then. 

Nuriko: Please, Miaka-sama, reconsider! He loves you! 

Miaka: Nope. 

Nuriko: He's not going to be happy... 

Soi: Well, sorry but that's the way it goes. 

Nuriko: But I didn't even get to recite my speech on his love! 

Soi: Don't bother. 

Nuriko: Please! I must recite it to you! Heika-sama will have me executed! 

Miaka: Look, he's just the emperor, I'm Suzaku no Miko. If I say "don't recite the speech" then you don't, okay? 

Soi: Now push off! 

Nuriko: You don't have to be so rude! You aren't very lady-like! 

_(Nuriko gets escorted off by Soi)_

Miaka: Oh! Oh! Oh! That cake was delicious, I must have more! If I can get her to come back with more cooking, life will be perfect! Hmm... what's a bribe? _(looks through a drawer)_ All I have are these bracelets. Oh well. Oi! Tomo! 

_(reenter Tomo)_

Tomo: Yes Miaka-sama? _(reapplying makeup furiously)_

Miaka: Go after her and tell her that it's not nice to bake bracelets into cake, I nearly broke my teeth on it! Tell her that if she brings me a nice, bracelet free cake tomorrow then I might consider. 

Tomo: Yes, Miaka-sama. _(pockets bracelets then walks off)_

Miaka: I hope this works! 


	7. Act 1 - Skipsida's Ravings

**Act 1 - Skipsida's Ravings:******

Well, things are going... strangely! And it's only just starting! Wait! More is soon to come! In fact, Act 2 is soon to come! It is pure insanity as Kourin, Nakago, Kouji and other characters make their debut appearances! Will Nuriko be uncovered? Will Miaka get more cake? What on earth has happened to Kourin? Find out in the next act! (curtain goes down as Skipsida bows and goes up again for the next act.) 


	8. Act 2 Scene 1

**Act 2 Scene 1******

_(A mountain range looking into Konan)_

Kourin: Where are we? 

Nakago: Down there is Konan. 

Kourin: Oh! The emperor there is supposed to be sexy! 

Nakago: Ah... they don't like me much there. 

Kourin: Why? 

Nakago: Oh, I just killed a few guards, pillaged a few homes and got Yui to be Seiryuu no Miko, nothing major. Those people are just so unreasonable! 

Kourin: That's not very nice of them! I'd better be careful in there! I think I'll go in disguise as a male, to avoid unnessessary attention. 

Nakago: That's a very good idea! I'll just lie low in there for a while. I'm only going because I love you, you understand that, right? (aside) And because I want to pay Soi a late night visit! 

Kourin: Okay, I'll get my disguise on and then we'll go! 

_(exit Kourin and Nakago)_


	9. Act 2 Scene 2

**Act 2, Scene 2******

_(Streets of Konan, outside MIaka's palace)_

Tomo: Wait up! 

Nuriko: What? (turns around) 

Tomo: Miaka-sama says not to bake bracelets into cakes, they hurt her divine teeth. She also adds that if you bring a better cake tomorrow then she might reconsider your offer. 

Nuriko: I didn't bake any bracelets into the cake! 

Tomo: Ew! They must have fallen off your wrists then! _(throws them at Nuriko)_

Nuriko: (catches them) What the...?! Well, they're pretty so I'll keep them. _(puts them on then face suddenly falls)_ Oh no! If I didn't put them there then Miaka must be trying to bribe me! Maybe she has fallen in love with me! Not good! Hotohori-sama won't be happy! It's a freaky love triangle! Especially since I'm disguised as a woman! Maybe I should lose the disguise... nah! It's mor fun this way! _(walks off whistling cheerfully)_


	10. Act 2 Scene 3

**Act 2, Scene 3******

_Olivia's House. Enter Tamahome and Chiriko_****

Chiriko: Do you have any more books, Tamahome? 

Tamahome: Yeah! I've bought all of the Sailor Moon manga with me! 

Chiriko: Yay! 

Tamahome and Chiriko: Sailor Moon!_ (they pose dramatically together)___

_(Enter Chichiri)___

Chichiri: You have issues, no da. 

Tamahome: Oi, you're the fool, you sing, right? 

Chichiri: Yes, no da. 

Tamahome and Chiriko: Sing us a song! Sing us a song from Sailor Moon! 

Chichiri: _(rolls eyes)_ Kono umnei wa utsukushiku, no da... 

Chiriko: There's no 'no da's in _Fate Is So Beautiful_! You've degraded Sailor Moon! 

Tamahome: We'll show you how to do it right! _(Chiriko and Tamahome start singing)___

_(Enter Soi)___

Soi: Oh, shut up! You sound like Tama-neko having his ears pierced! 

Tama-neko: Mreow? 

Chichiri: You've tried, no da? 

_(Enter Tomo)___

Tomo: That screeching made me smear my make-up! 

Soi: You look like a freak anyway, what's the difference? 

Tomo: That's it, Soi! _(Little kid voice and attitude)_ I'm dobbing! 

_(Exit Tomo, running, to Miaka)___

Soi: Bastard. 

Chiriko: He stomped my books! _(narrows eyes)_ Now it's personal! 

Tamahome: That bastard! I think we need some revenge! 

Chiriko: What do you propose we do? 

Tamahome: Damn, I thought you'd come up with something. 

Chiriko: Character's disappeared. _(raises foot)___

Soi: I know! We'll make him look like an idiot in front of Miaka! We'll write a letter! I usually write Miaka's letters, she's practically illiterate! And I often write for Nakago too! He doesn't know what Nakago's real handwriting is like! 

Tamahome: Brilliant! _(looks at watch)_ I'm off to bed now. 

_(Soi makes to follow)___

Tamahome: Alone, Soi! Just write the letter! 

Soi: Oh. _(stands there)_ I knew that. 

_(all exit)_


	11. Act 2 Scene 4

**Act 2, Scene 4******

_Scene: Hotohori's palace. Enter Hotohori, Nuriko and Chichiri___

Hotohori: More food! Food reminds me of my darling Miaka! 

Nuriko: Heika-sama! You'll get fat! 

Hotohori: No I won't! Miaka doesn't! 

Nuriko: Miaka's an anime female! They don't get fat! You're amazingly beautiful but still male, the same rules don't apply! 

Hotohori: Hohoho, yes, I am beautiful, aren't I? 

Chichiri: Heika-sama, this is pathetic, no da, she is choosing food over you! 

Hotohori: _(depressed)_ I know. Why is it that anime females are so clueless? 

Nuriko: _Some_ anime males are too. 

Hotohori: They are? 

Nuriko: You figure it out. 

_(all exit)_


	12. Act 2 Scene 5

**Act 2, Scene 5****__**

_Scene: Miaka's garden. Enter Tamahome, Kouji and Chiriko_****

Tamahome: Oi, Kouji, come and see the show! We're going to make Tomo look stupid!  
  
  
Kouji: Hell yeah, gotta see this! 

Chiriko: I've even put my book down in favour of the occasion. 

_(enter Soi)___

Soi: Hide! He's coming! _(shoves the letter on a nearby bench and hides)___

_(enter Tomo)___

Tomo: I'm so sure that Nakkie-poo loves me better! Everyone does! Who could resist such talented creative genius such as I? Face it, I'm bishounen! 

Tamahome: _(whispers)_Talking to himself? 

Kouji: _(whispers back)_As ya do. The guys such a baka! I'd love to see things from his point'a view but I can't get my head that far up my arse! 

Tomo: Ooh! A letter to me? Is it from Nakkie-poo? _(opens it and reads it aloud)Dear Tomo-chan. Please show your devotion to me by doing these things to please me. Remove the stage make-up, for, while it is fair, it please me more to see you donned in lipstick, blusher, mascara and eyeliners. Wear not your costume, as seeing it daily belittles its beauty. Perhaps you could wear a leopard-print g-string, corset, boots and black fluffy handcuffs. I know I would love to see you that way. And I would love to hear you swear and talk dirty ^.~_ My word! It has Nakago's character on it! It must be from my love! 

Tamahome: How did you do that? 

Soi: I copied it off Nakago last night in bed. 

Chiriko: In bed? What do you mean, pray? 

Kouji: She means.... 

Tamahome: _(clamps Kouji's mouth chut)_ Don't corrupt Chiriko's young and innocent mind any further!  
  
  
Soi: Awww! But it's just sooooo much fun! 

Tomo: I must do as my love asks! _(runs off, in the direction of his room, to change)___

Soi, Tamahome, Chiriko and Kouji: _(laugh hysterically)___

Chiriko: I believve it may shock Miaka when she goes on her daily promanade and meets him. 

Kouji: Fuck, yeah! We have to follow him! 


	13. Act 2 - Skipsida's Ravings

**Act 2 - Skipsida's Ravings:******

I haven't forgotten this! Well, actually I did, for a while -_-;; 

We finished studying the book about halfway through last term and so, I didn't have the play around to write this in my frees! I've had a lot of it done for ages! But I've found it again so here it is, typed up and crazier than ever! 

A lot of this basically is to parody the dumb things the characters in the play do. I mean, Viola could have lost the disguise (even if it would have been a bit dangerous) or at least told Olivia, but she didn't. 

I had to change a few of the situations around a bit. Yes, it's tragic, don't kill me for making Tamahome and Chiriko moonatics, please! *ducks vegetables being thrown* My excuse is that Chiriko's character had disappeared and Tamahome is just a baka in this play (some would say that he's just a baka, full stop, but I wouldn't, I love all the characters fairly evenly *glomps the whole cast, arms stretching to an unbelievable length*) 

I had to make the letter be from Nakago because while Tomo, as Miaka's employee, would aim to please, I don't think he'd aim to please _that much_ if Miaka made those requests, and he probably would know she isn't that hentai. Since Tomo is Malvolio, sadly, we can't get him loving Miaka, for obvious reasons, so we'll have to settle for Nakkie-poo ^____^ *sniggers* 

Nakago: Don't call me Nakkie-poo!  
  
  
Soi and Tomo: *glomp him simultaneously* Yes Nakkie... uh... Nakago! 

Skipsida: But what will happen with the Nuriko, Hotohori and Miaka love triangle? You'll just have to see, won't you? Yep, cliffhanger time! 


End file.
